Dave Barry
Dave Barry was born in Armonk, New York, in 1947 and has been steadily growing older ever since without ever actually reaching maturity. He attended public schools, where he distinguished himself by not getting in nearly as much trouble as he would have if the authorities had been aware of everything. He is proud to have been elected Class Clown by the Pleasantville High School class of 1965.
Barry went to Haverford College, where he majored in English and wrote lengthy scholarly papers filled with sentences that even he did not understand. He graduated in 1969 and eventually got a job with the Daily Local News, in West Chester, Pennsylvania, where he covered a series of incredibly dull municipal meetings, some of which are still going on.
In 1975 Barry joined Burger Associates, a consulting firm that teaches effective writing to businesspersons. He spent nearly eight years trying to get various businesspersons to for God's sake stop writing things like, "Enclosed please find the enclosed enclosure," but he eventually realized that it was hopeless. So in 1983 he took a job at the Miami Herald, and he has been there ever since, although he never answers the phone. In 1988, he won the Pulitzer Prize for commentary, pending a recount.
Barry's first novel, "Big Trouble," was published in 1999. He has written a number of short, but harmful books, including "Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States" (Ballantine Books) and "Babies and Other Hazards of Sex" (Rodale Press). His recent books, "Dave Barry Is Not Taking This Sitting Down" (Crown Publishing), "Dave Barry Turns 50" (Random House), "Dave Barry in Cyberspace" (Random House) and "Dave Barry's Complete Guide To Guys" (Random House), have been hailed by the critics as "containing a tremendous amount of white space."
The CBS television series "Dave's World" was based on two of Barry's books. Barry performs with a less-than-stellar band called the Rock Bottom Remainders with fellow writers Amy Tan, Stephen King, Matt Groening and several others.
Dave Barry Samples
Dave Barry's 2010 Holiday Gift Guide
The holiday season is a good time to ponder the lesson of "A Christmas Carol," the heartwarming classic story by the beloved dead English writer Charles Dickens. The story begins on Christmas Eve with mean old miser Ebenezer Scrooge being mean to his lowly clerk, Bob Cratchit, who is a good and humble man despite having a last name that sounds like an intestinal mishap, as in "The dog made cratchit on the rug."
Scrooge then goes home, and during the night he is visited by a series of ghosts, including the Ghost of Christmas Past, the Ghost of Christmas Present, and the Ghost of Christmas Stranded in a Motel 6 in Albany, N.Y. Horrified, Scrooge rushes to the Cratchit home the next morning to atone for his meanness by giving the Cratchits a turkey, and everybody rejoices except Tiny Tim, who was hoping for an Xbox 360, so his Christmas is ruined.
Download the entire sample article in pdf format. (2011 Holiday Gift Guide coming soon. For more info contact Desiree Dawson or Patricia Patino)
Dave Barry's Year in Review: Crossing our fingers after 2010
Let's put things into perspective: 2010 was not the worst year ever. There have been MUCH worse years. For example, toward the end of the Cretaceous Period, the Earth was struck by an asteroid that wiped out 75 percent of all the species on the planet. Can we honestly say that we had a worse year than those species did? Yes we can, because they were not exposed to "Jersey Shore."
The lesson we learn from this timeless story is that it's important to get the right gift. All too often we give people gifts that they don't want, or can't use.
Download the entire sample article in pdf format. (2011 Year in Review coming soon. For more info contact Desiree Dawson or Patricia Patino)
Dave Barry's 2009 Holiday Gift Guide
In these troubled economic times, when money is scarce for many people, it's important that we remind ourselves, and our loved ones, that the holiday season is not about buying things.
Then we and our loved ones can enjoy a hearty laugh, because, of COURSE the holiday season is about buying things. Now more than ever, the U.S. retail economy depends on consumers spending money they don't actually have on gifts that nobody actually needs.
Download the entire sample article in pdf format. (2011 Holiday Gift Guide coming soon. For more info contact Desiree Dawson or Patricia Patino)
Dave Barry's Year in Review: Crossing our fingers after 2009
It was a year of Hope _ at first in the sense of, "I feel hopeful!" and later in the sense of "I hope this year ends soon!"
It was also a year of Change, especially in Washington, where the tired old hacks of yesteryear finally yielded the reins of power to a group of fresh, young, idealistic, new-idea outsiders such as Nancy Pelosi. As a result Washington, rejecting "business as usual," finally stopped trying to solve every problem by throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at it and instead started trying to solve every problem by throwing "trillions" of taxpayer dollars at it.
Download the entire sample article in pdf format. (2011 Year in Review coming soon. For more info contact Desiree Dawson or Patricia Patino)
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