Feature Details
- Frequency: 1/wk
- Moves with art: No
- Moves with multimedia: No
- Available: U.S. & Canada
Greg Schwem
Standup comedian, author and technically challenged family guy Greg Schwem thinks everything is funny. Whether he’s writing about the pope’s first tweet, smartphones that make him feel dumb or any of the many ways that modern society can drive a person nuts, Schwem plucks chords of hysteria that resonate with all readers.
His column is distributed as part of the Humor Hotel feature.
Greg Schwem Samples
Greg Schwem: Thankfully, Nevin Shapiro Never had Children
There is football on my TV, the greens of my backyard leaves are slowly giving way to fiery reds and my kids have resumed both school and youth sports programs.
As long as Nevin Shapiro stays in jail, it's going to be a great fall.
Shapiro is the Miami "businessman" currently serving a 20-year prison sentence for orchestrating a $930 million Ponzi scheme. But it was his dealings with University of Miami football players that really put him on the map. Shapiro admitted to a Yahoo sports reporter that he lavished cash and gifts on Miami players and recruits, threw outrageous parties featuring strippers and hookers, paid players for vicious hits and did it all over an eight-year period while nobody thought to question him, including Miami coaches who allegedly also benefitted from Shapiro's largesse.
Greg Schwem: The Best-Kept Secrets are Left in Bars
I'm currently writing a one-man show. I haven't finished it, but I know it's going to be awesome. Critics will rave, theaters will sell out and tickets will go for three times face value on StubHub.
How do I know all of this? Because I'm going to leave the unfinished script in a bar. Hey, if it worked for Apple, it should work for me.
Much has been made recently of an incident involving an Apple employee, an unreleased Apple product and a San Francisco drinking establishment. According to technology website CNET, the employee left some cool Apple gadget (and aren't they ALL cool?) on the bar, where somebody else scooped it up, sold it and, in the process, let Apple's secrets out of the bag. Police are reportedly involved even though nobody is saying exactly what is being sought.
Greg Schwem: Your Good Health ... for 50 Percent Off!
Certain things in life should be kept separate. Cheese fries and cholesterol screenings. Fourth-graders and "Bachelor Pad" episodes. Coupons and medical procedures.
I started thinking about the latter recently when an offer for two one-hour acupuncture sessions graced my inbox. "Try a new tack for beating pain with today's deal: $39 (regularly $145)," the email stated. "Grab this 73-percent-off deal, and stop waiting on pins and needles for your aches to disappear."
Greg Schwem: OMG! The Pope is Tweeting!
Pope Benedict XVI recently sent his first tweet. On an iPad.
Before this monumental event, the leader of the Catholic Church had been interacting with his followers via speeches, written by hand and sometimes composed entirely in Latin. But apparently the Information Superhighway now goes directly through the Vatican, as evidenced by a video that showed Benedict seated at a table and tapping out his message while a few other religious higher-ups stood by and nodded in approval.
I couldn't help but note that all appeared to be about the same age as the pope. Certainly these men had not taught Benedict the nuances of tweeting and downloading. No, that task fell to 24-year-old Father Kyle, the youngest, hippest priest in Rome and the only one with a tattoo. The following is an excerpt from Benedict's introductory lesson:
Licensing and Reprints
TMS Licensing: We license popular cartoon characters, puzzles and content from renowned creators for print, interactive, TV and film, mobile and board games. TMS also licenses unique commentary in politics, travel, health, business and other categories.
TMS reprints: We grant websites, newsletters, books and other publications permission to reprint any of the 150-plus columns, cartoons, magazine articles, photos and graphics found in our catalog. This content also can be used in corporate communications and training materials.